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ULTRA WARRIOR
1990
Directed by Augusto Tamayo San Román, and Kevin Tent (why did it take TWO directors for this dreck?!)
A.K.A. Roger Corman presents..CLIP SHOW!!
PlotSo there I was, staring down a candidate for the "Alpaca Lips NOW!" review roundtable, standing before a discount bin at the local hollywood video. It had a dude with no shirt on, with matching barbarian babes in tow, fighting a gang of mutants, using a rifle as a club. How could I go wrong? Clearly I hadn't learned my lesson from the box to Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell. The fact that the film was made by New Horizons, the bottom of the barrel when it came to Roger Corman headed companies, should have set off the red flags from the start. However, if you've been reading this site for long, I'm sure you already know what a tenuous grasp at best I have on "common sense". Now, if you've never seen a Roger Corman film before (particularly one from the 80's), this film would probably impress you, and given you the impression that the company not only had a lot of imagination, but the budget to bring said imagination to the screen. On the other hand, if you're an experienced Corman afficianado (and let's be realistic here, you are at this site after all,) the only impressive part of the film is the way in which the writers and editors managed to piece so many different films' footages into this half-effort. You see, a major chunk of the film (more than not) is just stock footage and whatnot from earlier corman efforts. The story is pretty simple. Kenner (Dack Rambo! )is on a mission to "Oblivion", a section of the world ravaged by atomic holocaust, where mutants are persecuted by "normal" warlords and their gangs. Kenner is checking out the area for "Zirconium deposits" for mining operations when he comes across a hurt "mutie". While helping her out, a gang of thugs come and capture the whole lot, including Kenner, for their mutie games, heralded over by their leader, the Baron. Or as his dressing leads me to call him, "Dracula". Eventually, Kenner stages a daring escape with his newfound mutie allies, with such variety as big-headed guy, with the power of super-strength (huh?), Albino-girl, with the power of super-empathy, chicken-head (his actual name), with the power of odious side-kick, and scar-faced hot girl, with the power of love-interest. The dying elder of the muties foresees that Kenner will be the new leader of the clan and will lead them to victory or some such mumbo-jumbo. He also instructs scar-girl to do the nasty with Kenner, and even that sequence is stock footage involving other actors. After defending an attack made by the Baron's men, Kenner decitdes to attack the Baron directly, using "it's so crazy, it might just work" class logic skills. To guide them, Kenner recruites "Elijah", a crazy guy who knows the area (played by TV's Meeshach Taylor, who gets third billing despite such a tiny role). I bet you can't guess who wins the battle... A lot of people out here on the interweb hyperbolize this flick as having more stock footage than any other b-picture out there. This is simply not true. This film, after all, uses like 25-35% original footage. Try checking out "Bimbo Movie Bash" (1997), to see less originality on screen. It collects various boob-a-rama flicks, such as "Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-a-rama" and "Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death" and attempts to make a cohesive plot by using a lame narrator and goofy subtitles. Suddenly Ultra Warrior doesn't seem quite as lame. |
RatingI give Ultra Warrior: 
One and One Half Rotting, Shambling Corpses out of Five. |