You know, for a roundtable, it sure is hard to get the links of the fellow reviewers!

DEATH MACHINE

(1994)

Written and Directed by Stephen Norrington

A.K.A. Shadowrunners vs. A Dinosaur Terminator (The T-65,000,000 B.C.)

Plot In the future (way off in 2003, according to the box), large corporations are a must for any self respecting cyber-punk setting. Our story focuses on the "Chaang" Corporation, who are in a bit of a scandal over the malfunction of one of their cyber-soldiers. The new vp, Hayden Cale (Ely Pouget) is to be the whipping boy--or girl as it stands--for the mess. The decision is greenlighted by her supervisors, John Carpenter (William Hootkins) and Scott Ridley (Richard Brake). Really, those are the names they're given. Anyways, Cale decides she wants to investigate the guy who designed these robo-soldiers (the name is more appropriate than you think), and find out what he's doing right now. There, she meets said creator, Jack Dante (Brad Dourif!) who is some kind of psychotic, techno-wunderkind. Dante is pretty defensive about his secret project, but does develop a freaky stalker affection for Cale. As he flirts with her, throwing out lines about causing everyone else chaos, and non-sexy sexual metaphors using terms such as "data-sharing" and "parallel processing", Cale decides that she'd be a whole lot less dead if she convinced Dante that she was into him. Meanwhile, Ridley decides that Cale has to go. Since this is a bleak, dystopian future, when someone gets their position terminated, they really get terminated. Of course Dante'll have none of that. Loverboy decides the best thing to do is to introduce Ridley to his new creation, The Warbeast. (A.K.A. The Death Machine, Natch.) The Death Machine is seriously something that a James Cameron (how come his name isn't a cast member?) fan would fantasize about. It's like part alien, but mostly it's basically what would happen if Skynet sent a Terminator, not to the eighties to kill Sarah Connors, but instead to the Jurassic period to kill off the dinosaurs. Oh, and according to some psuedoscience, it can see fear. That's right, if you're afraid, it can see you better with its Predator-esque vision.

Well, with Ridley out of the way, Cale gets a yank up the corporate ladder, giving her authority over all staff. Which she oh-so-smartly uses to immediately seal up Dante's workspace (Death Machine included) and fire him. That's it...fire the psycho who killed your boss instead of calling the cops. Smooth. Before Dante can unleash his riteous vengence, however, the offices are suddenly held up by a trio of Shadowrunners! Okay, they don't actually call themselves that, but the guys basically are. There's even an Asian guy with a Japanese flag motif tatooed on his face. And get this--the main dude is named "Sam Raimi". Sheesh. It turns out that the 'runners want to take down the central data store or some other computer jargon at good ol' Chaang. Their plan involves drilling through maximum security blast doors. Dante convinces them that it'd be faster to go through his workspace, as the walls are thinner. Once they get him in there, I think we can imagine what the disgruntled employee has on his crazy little gord. It doesn't take long for the lines between good and evil to be drawn after that...then, after a pointless subplot detailing Carpenter still being an evil capitalist dog and then killed, the movie takes a mild route into almost creativity. The gang decide that the best way to fight something that can see better when you're afraid, is to no longer be capable of being afraid. So on that note, they strap Raimi into a robo-soldier unit, temporarily removing his personality, and sending him off after the Warbeast. In case your counting, I can check off the ammount of "inspirations" for you. Let's see...we've got... Terminator Aliens Jurassic Park Shadowrun Predator Robocop And that's not counting the name dropping.... Back to the show: Now it becomes a case of Cale and the other remaining 'runner trying to escape the complex and avoid Dante and his Warbeast, all while Robo-Raimi is trying to fight the Warbeast. Trust me, that sentence is far cooler than the actual half hour or so that follows. I bet you can even predict how the movie's gonna end. Here's a hint: The good guys win. Ruminations Man, does this movie reek of cheapness . I found myself thinking "Now who exactly saw this and thought that Blade would be a good project for Norrington?" I mean, the movie looks like it was filmed on a sound stage (just about the only ceiling I remember being specifically there was in an elevator), and the movie is pretty much as derrivative as they come. Worst of all, however, is the machine itself. It's so painfully obvious it's a puppet...we never even get to seen the thing as a whole...it's always in extreme closeup. I swear, Charles Band over at Full Moon has better production values than this movie, and he makes movies about living dolls! (Not to knock Full Moon...I personally think they sometimes get blessed with bouts of extreme genius...to break up the monotony of idiocy.)

Rating I give Death Machine: one and a half rotting, shambling corpses, out of five. Do not watch this movie, unless you've seen everything else in the video store. It's not even MSTable that much, just because they spend way too long being filled with tension to accomplish anything.