Fun for the little ones. And therapy bills too.

ANDY COLBY'S INCREDIBLY AWESOME ADVENTURE

1988

Written and "Directed" by Debora Brock

A.K.A. Andy and the Airwave Rangers

Plot As I look back on my life, I realize that I was clearly a member of the "video" generation. I still have fond memories of clearing out the shelves at all the local mom n' pop video stores in my small town. (remember when even the small towns had several independant video stores?) Two sections were frequent to me: The kids section (hey, cut me some slack, I was a kid) and the sci-fi/horror sections. When I go over some of the highlights of my video youth, I'm shocked to realize how often Roger Corman was behind them, almost as if he were some great unseen father-figure in my education and upbringing amidst the arts. This film is one of those many. When I rented it as a wee tyke, it went under the title of "Andy and the Airwave Rangers". Imagine my surprise when, upon looking this title up for the twisted kidders roundtable, I discovered that it originally had the title you see this review labeled under. When the opening credits began on the Buena Vista distributed DVD, I found myself forced to call bull-plop on that factoid. The title card is VERY obviously added in via computer imposition, and resembles nothing else in the credits. Yet, in a way, that's apropos of the film, as you will soon see. (NOTE: it has come to my attention that the film's title was originally in the awesome adventure mold, but got changed in order to avoid confusion with the bill & ted films. Which is odd, considering Corman's track record) Andy is a bored, yet typical kid. He fights with his little sister, he has friends to play laser tag (plug! Cha-ching!)with, he watches Roger Corman flicks on tv on lazy weekend afternoons, and he gets on the nerves of his single mother. Speaking of mom, she has a job interview that afternoon, and makes Andy stay home and watch his sis. Eventually he gets her to let him make a (not-so) quick bike ride down to the local vidya store before she goes. Then we get to watch him ride the whole way there before going in to stare at the kids rack in desperation. He starts reaching for "Slumber Party Massacre II" (!) before getting it snatched away by the substitute video clerk. WHen Andy complains that his sis has already seen all the films there (and haven't we all been in that situation, dear reader?) the elderly clerk suggest a video way up on the top shelf with a shiny, prismy box, entitled "The Awesome Adventure". As Andy goes to leave, the man ominously warns him to "Keep hold of the remote" and "Don't sit too close to the screen" I wonder if those rules will be important later... But first we get to watch Andy ride his bike all the way back home. Once he and the brat settle down and hit "play" we see the FBI copywrite warning come on the TV (and watch the whole thing too!) only to have the old man's warning repeated on-screen. What, are the feds involved with this mystery tape? ANywho, about this point one of Andy's friends gives him a ring. While he's distracted, a dude in a top hat and a prism disc glove pops up on screen and starts trying to entice the girl to him, which actually takes less effort than you'd think. Incidently, the dude's name is "Lord Chroma" (not to be confused with Lloyd of Troma) and his goal is to take all the colors of the world, and lil sis's eyes are a shade of blue he's been looking for for a long time. Andy turns in time to see the girl get yanked into the TV and pop-off with Chroma. He gets the bright idea to rewind the tape, and jumps in at the same blue screen she was sucked into. And suddenly, he's now shot on video, much like Lord Chroma. Then, Andy wanders into the distant structures, only to find himself in the middle of "Space Raiders"! At this point the movie changes in not-so-subtle-ways. This film, much like "Ultra Warrior" has most of its on-screen action made up of footage from other Corman flicks. Unlike Ultra Warrior, however, Andy (shot on video) gets super-imposed into the films. And it's mega-obvious, due to the disparity between video and film stock. Lucasfilm, these guys ain't. Meanwhile, Chroma takes the girl to his lair, which is a crudely computer-drawn dome. Chroma apparently works for the MPCP Controller. There, he torments his captive with incredibly lame rapping, usually about pie for some inexplicable reason, as we seem him soliloquising on the subject durning many of the interludes that interrupt Andy's Awesome Adventure. And speaking of Mr. Colby, he's been outrunning and outgunning the ships from "Battle Beyond the Stars" with his new filmstock friends. They then land on a planet and start fighting C3P0-death-bots for no given reason. Then suddenly, one of the droids shoots Andy! He then wakes up in a room full of static, occupied solely by what looks like a wampa ice creature. It introduces itself as Glitch, and explains that it lives between the channels. It then reassures Andy that he needn't worry about those pesky laser blasts. After all "it was only a movie". Glitch also explains that Andy's remote still works with him inside the channels. Andy asks for Glitch's help in finding his sister, and describes the man who took her. The description vaguely matches two dudes Glitch knows of. One is Chroma, the other is some wizard dude. Since the wizard is closer (on a lower channel), the two of them decide to look for him first. And so they start flipping channels. They stop at a Kool-Aid (PLUG! Cha-Ching Cha-Ching!) commercial for a quick beferage, then whirl past such noticable cinematic great moments as "Deathrace 2000" and "Chopping Mall". They then end up at the right channel, in a forest, and faster than you can say "Ewok", they're stuck in a net-trap. Andy drops his remote, and Glitch laments about dropping his Kool-Aid. Then, on cue, here comes Bo Svenson to the rescue! Andy even recognizes him! "This is 'Kor The Conqueror!'" Well, no. This is "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom". He's Kor the Conqueror. Oh well. Bo Svenson beggars can't be Bo Svenson choosers I guess. Clearly Glitch's design (that of a walking carpet) was chosen because it mildly resembles the monsterous sidekick of "Wizards". Anyways, Kor resuces them. Later, they rescue Kor by cleverly being out of frame during the sequence from the original movie that involves the cyclops. Then, Kor takes them through some spooooky caves that lead to the wizard's castle. There they're attacked by ghosts, which Andy defeats by rewinding them back to the grave. Once they get to the castle, Kor fights some guards and releases all the prisoners (who apparently were all in one cell) and starts a big riotous fight. Then the wizard (who dresses like the male equivalent of Princess Dragonmom) zaps Glitch for no apparent reason, straight out of the movie. Distraught, Andy starts switching channels, looking for any sign of either his sister or Glitch. He also takes a break by stealing some more Kool-Aid (what, did they put money into the damn film?) from the same commercial we already saw inits entire length (and which I remember originally airing on tv.) Eventually he finds his way to Chroma's channel and heads towards the rainbow dome. Chroma then unleases his army of motorcycle uh, robots I guess. We get to see them ride around the foothills. For like 10 minutes. In a film that's under 80 in length. After watching the film, I still have no idea what happens next. Andy fast-forwards or something, and somehow he zips along with them at high speeds himself, before they start crashing into walls. Huh? Oh well, soon they're going to run out of usuable stock footage and resort solely to the cheesy MSPaint drawn sets blue-screened in. And trust me, things only get weirder from then on out.

Rating I give Andy Colby's Incredibly Awesome Adventure: Three and a Half Rotting Shambling Corpses out of Five. It's awful, but in a mind-numbing, bizarro-world logic sort of way. Oh and if you thought they couldn't pad anymore time out for this crap, just try to sit through the closing credits. Each name gets its own full screen alone, even things like set painters. If that crawl times out at under 5 minutes, I must be hallucinating.

The "Twisted Kidders" Review Roundtable.

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